Struggling With Attention

The Friday night I kept saying I was going to read my Bible, but I never did. Last night, I did read my Bible before bed and then fell asleep before I said my bed time prayers. Why? Well, the first night, I was "too busy" and the second night, I was "too tired". These are legitimate statements... I really had a lot to do! And I really had had a busy day yesterday, and I was tired!

Do you ever have that happen?

Wandering from Christ is not abnormal for Christians. So many times I’ve had (as they say) “Mountaintop experiences” that leave me feeling so close to the Lord that when I converse with him I can almost audibly hear his voice. And yet, I wander away time and time again.

It occurred to me 2 weeks ago how this must be common for even the most Christ-seeking Christian. We were singing the awesome hymn “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” and and as I read the words, I realized that people have struggled with this forever. A stanza says this:

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

It’s human nature to be prone to wander. Old Dead Guys who wrote hymns from long ago did it… and I see it in my daily life. Why? When growing closer to the Lord is such an amazing feeling? When reading the Bible is such great stuff- such enriching guidelines for life, why stray from its focus? I don’t know, but I suppose that since Eve and Adam had their “I’m going to gain knowledge and wisdom” wandering at the beginning, we’ve been tugged like a rope back and forth. My will, thy will. My will, thy will.

I love Psalm 119. It really helps me to remember to remember His word and his promises. The whole Psalm is long- but it starts off in an amazing encouragement as to this struggle!

Psalm 1-8

Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD. Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart— they do no wrong but follow his ways. You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed. Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees! Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands. I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws. I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me.

But do you KNOW Him?

Pastor Jack from Cherry Tree Alliance Church preached a 6 week series on prayer and how it is the primary work of God's people. He posed the question several times in those 6 weeks "You may know ABOUT God, but do you KNOW God?" This struck quite a chord within my heart.

I'm not the most knowledgeable person when it comes to Bible facts, nor am I the Verse Memorization Princess of 2011. However, I know enough to know that I can hang with a "Christian-y" conversation pretty well. Four years of Christian school Bible Class, (including what felt like eons of Chapel Wednesdays) taught me plenty. I've also learned much from books I've read, local Christian talk show programs and very bright, interesting pastors. I've read the Bible and spent a lot of time praying. I've been a youth pastor, a Sunday School teacher and so I guess I could answer "Do you know ABOUT God?" somewhat confidently.

However, that question of "Do you not just know ABOUT him, but do you KNOW Him?" was timely and important for me. This is not to say that I've faked my beliefs, but it seems that lately I've been on Christian autopilot. Jesus and I we were kind of on "hiatus" in the heart-connected relationship department, if you will. (read: my polite way of admitting that I was not reading my Bible or praying much).

During a 3 week fast challenge that our pastor put out to the congregation, I decided not to fast per-se, but to eliminate my extracurricular reading. No magazines at breakfast or books at night, and I put down my new e-reader. For three weeks, I was reading only the Bible and praying. Wow, what a difference that has made! I've had a lot of fun becoming familiar with the different Bibles I have laying around and what they have to teach me. I've felt closer to the Lord in the past month than I have for a long time. My prayers feel more natural and connected and I feel more open to His leading.

I say this, not to praise myself (for it was not my doing, but the Holy Spirit's lead. I was the one who had been reading my "get organized magazines" every morning and am still not organized!), but to encourage others that a willing heart and an open Bible are a great combination for rebuilding a relationship with Him.

I had been telling myself lately "I don't know that I totally understand the Bible when I read it", but I do if I take the time and am patient and interested through my reading. Reading about Christ in books and hearing about Him on the radio pales in comparison to reading about Him in his Word!

Are you in need of a jump start in your relationship with Jesus? If so, try committing to a small time period where you focus just on Him. Eliminate something in your life and spend that time learning about faith, trust and hope that the Lord gives us in his Word... the Bible can become addicting!!