Loving the man in my life -

When our darling grandson was born last October, I was completely smitten.  I confessed in a light hearted way to my husband of 30 years that for the first time in our marriage, I had fallen in love with someone else.  He laughed and said, "That's not true!  This has happened six other times in the past!"  He was referring to our six children and how with the birth of each of them, my maternal love was so strong that I was just a bit neglectful of our romance for awhile.

The first time I heard the parenting principle "The best gift you can give your children is to love your spouse", I remember pondering it for a long time.  That's a pretty strong statement, but it does makes a lot of sense.  What better gift can we give our kids than the sense of security a happy marriage brings to a home?  What more effective way is there to teach our kids love and forgiveness than to model it for them as parents?  What legacy can we give our kids that would be more meaningful than two parents who are completely devoted to one another?

Many principles like that make great sense, but it doesn't mean they are easy to live out from day to day!  Most of the time I am completely committed to living this principle.  My husband is an amazing person and he has loved me unwaveringly through the good and bad times.  There are, however, moments when I let tensions build up and the romantic feelings dip a little and it requires work to keep loving.  I am fully aware that it requires work on his part to keep loving me sometimes because I have days of the month when I don't even like myself!

At times when loving doesn't come as easily, the life giving words of Scripture infuse me with new strength and resolve.  One of my favorites is this passage from Colossians 3:12-14 -

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

I've said it before, but I just have to say again that the great thing about God telling us to do things, is that He is right next to us giving us all the resources we need to do them!   Jack and I have followed these powerful words as a couple through some very tough times and it totally works!  Sometimes we look at each other and our hearts are so full - God has brought us such a long way together and we really do love each other more deeply than we ever thought possible.

If you are still single and waiting for that man of your dreams, don't get caught up in looking for him.  Use all of your energy to become the person God wants you to be.  Pray for that man you are waiting for - that God will make him the person he should be.  Then be patient until God brings that person into your life.   My favorite verse I pray for my single friends is Psalm 84:11b, "...no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."  The word "blameless" here doesn't mean someone who is perfect; it refers to someone who is following Jesus, confessing her sin and not compromising in areas that would not please God.

If you have tied the knot and are faltering at times when the romance seems lacking (I don't think I have ever had to put as much effort into this as when we had babies and toddlers!), remind yourself what a gift you are giving your children when you persevere in loving that man of yours.  The benefits of sticking with each other may not always seem spectacular from day to day, but over the years you will see great rewards.  The wise One who created marriage smiles on us as we fulfill our vows and He gives us the love we need so we can give our kids the great gift of a mom and dad who are truly in love!

Struggling With Attention

The Friday night I kept saying I was going to read my Bible, but I never did. Last night, I did read my Bible before bed and then fell asleep before I said my bed time prayers. Why? Well, the first night, I was "too busy" and the second night, I was "too tired". These are legitimate statements... I really had a lot to do! And I really had had a busy day yesterday, and I was tired!

Do you ever have that happen?

Wandering from Christ is not abnormal for Christians. So many times I’ve had (as they say) “Mountaintop experiences” that leave me feeling so close to the Lord that when I converse with him I can almost audibly hear his voice. And yet, I wander away time and time again.

It occurred to me 2 weeks ago how this must be common for even the most Christ-seeking Christian. We were singing the awesome hymn “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” and and as I read the words, I realized that people have struggled with this forever. A stanza says this:

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

It’s human nature to be prone to wander. Old Dead Guys who wrote hymns from long ago did it… and I see it in my daily life. Why? When growing closer to the Lord is such an amazing feeling? When reading the Bible is such great stuff- such enriching guidelines for life, why stray from its focus? I don’t know, but I suppose that since Eve and Adam had their “I’m going to gain knowledge and wisdom” wandering at the beginning, we’ve been tugged like a rope back and forth. My will, thy will. My will, thy will.

I love Psalm 119. It really helps me to remember to remember His word and his promises. The whole Psalm is long- but it starts off in an amazing encouragement as to this struggle!

Psalm 1-8

Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD. Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart— they do no wrong but follow his ways. You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed. Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees! Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands. I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws. I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me.

Something and Someone

I am doing a Beth Moore Bible Study. It is the fourth one I have done. She is an incredible Bible teacher. This one is a study of Esther. It is challenging and provoking and has me examining my life--my purpose, my destiny.

I am also reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan with my Sunday school class. It is challenging and provoking and has me examining my life--the way I spend my time and our resources and how I obey all those red letters in the New Testament.

For a while there, I was starting to feel like my life was a tiny little bit of a thing and that I was completely missing the boat by staying home with my youngsters.

You see, according to my high school science teachers, I should be something, a doctor, or an engineer, or a scientist. And according to my college professors, I should be something, a leader among the teacher, a writer, a researcher. I've been demolishing the expectations of people for years (choosing instead of doctor, a teacher's life, and instead of teacher of the year, home with youngsters). But those expectations live on in my head, the dreams someone else had for me, and the definition of success written, no, inscribed in my head and heart by our world continue to speak to me.

I begin to believe a little too much in the words and expectations of others. I begin to question this path of submission to Creator and to husband that I am on, this rockiest of roads called motherhood and the anonymity of stay-at-home mom.

Then He speaks quietly in rocking a boy to sleep. I breathe in the smell of his head and I wonder at this little fellow given to me for such a short time. I am reminded that in caring, serving, loving this one, I am caring for the poor (for a babe born even into the wealthiest of families is utterly poor and completely dependent). When I stoop to tie shoes for a little girl still learning, I am meeting the needs of the lowly. When I forgive, bearing the consequences of another's wrongdoing, I am giving mercy.

I find that I am something--the only mother these two will ever have, a picture of the humility of Christ in a world of ego and pride (if I'm doing it well which I often do not).

And He speaks quietly in story. John and Charles Wesley had a faithful, prayerful mother. John Newton had a faithful and prayerful mother. John and Charles were great men of faith who are credited with founding Methodism and writing countless hymns. John Newton was a sailor for the slave trade, who later repented, became ordained in the Church of England, worked for the abolition of English slavery and wrote a number of hymns including Amazing Grace. I am reminded that faithful, loving, prayerful mothers can make for great spiritual leaders. That though the life of a mother of two in Uniontown may not seem like a big life filled with destiny, it is a purposeful, useful life filled with destiny.

Through the struggle and the sitting quietly at His feet, I am told that I am not merely something. He tells me I am someone. And it is in being someone that my destiny will be fulfilled.

I am still walking through Esther and Crazy Love and I am sure that some of what I am feeling is very much conviction, and I think it is appropriate to struggle with the red letters and the problem of poverty and want and need. But I am encouraged to think that this life isn't as little as those memories sometimes make me feel. And isn't is always a fun thing when you realize that your feelings aren't the truth.

But do you KNOW Him?

Pastor Jack from Cherry Tree Alliance Church preached a 6 week series on prayer and how it is the primary work of God's people. He posed the question several times in those 6 weeks "You may know ABOUT God, but do you KNOW God?" This struck quite a chord within my heart.

I'm not the most knowledgeable person when it comes to Bible facts, nor am I the Verse Memorization Princess of 2011. However, I know enough to know that I can hang with a "Christian-y" conversation pretty well. Four years of Christian school Bible Class, (including what felt like eons of Chapel Wednesdays) taught me plenty. I've also learned much from books I've read, local Christian talk show programs and very bright, interesting pastors. I've read the Bible and spent a lot of time praying. I've been a youth pastor, a Sunday School teacher and so I guess I could answer "Do you know ABOUT God?" somewhat confidently.

However, that question of "Do you not just know ABOUT him, but do you KNOW Him?" was timely and important for me. This is not to say that I've faked my beliefs, but it seems that lately I've been on Christian autopilot. Jesus and I we were kind of on "hiatus" in the heart-connected relationship department, if you will. (read: my polite way of admitting that I was not reading my Bible or praying much).

During a 3 week fast challenge that our pastor put out to the congregation, I decided not to fast per-se, but to eliminate my extracurricular reading. No magazines at breakfast or books at night, and I put down my new e-reader. For three weeks, I was reading only the Bible and praying. Wow, what a difference that has made! I've had a lot of fun becoming familiar with the different Bibles I have laying around and what they have to teach me. I've felt closer to the Lord in the past month than I have for a long time. My prayers feel more natural and connected and I feel more open to His leading.

I say this, not to praise myself (for it was not my doing, but the Holy Spirit's lead. I was the one who had been reading my "get organized magazines" every morning and am still not organized!), but to encourage others that a willing heart and an open Bible are a great combination for rebuilding a relationship with Him.

I had been telling myself lately "I don't know that I totally understand the Bible when I read it", but I do if I take the time and am patient and interested through my reading. Reading about Christ in books and hearing about Him on the radio pales in comparison to reading about Him in his Word!

Are you in need of a jump start in your relationship with Jesus? If so, try committing to a small time period where you focus just on Him. Eliminate something in your life and spend that time learning about faith, trust and hope that the Lord gives us in his Word... the Bible can become addicting!!

Love

I totally forgot that I was supposed to post Friday. And today, I got caught up in the taxes and care of two littles and one sick big one. Feeling crummy myself, I forgot that I was supposed to post today, too.

I knew the basic outline of what I planned to say. To speak of the great God I serve. The one who can, who does, create it all and holds it all in the palm of His hand. Unflinching, fingers spread. The only things I can hold in the palm of my hand are inanimate! He holds spinning, swirling galaxies and scurrying ants and rebellious people.

I knew next I wanted to write of those palms etched with the names of His followers, marked with the scars of nails. Proof of love.

We were talking of it in Sunday school. The way in light of all that God is and all that He's created, we are really rather insignificant. But for the palms with names and scars! You see, it is God's love that grants us our significance. I am significant because I have been created by the hands of the one who places planets in their orbits and names the stars. I am significant because He saw my need and He came to my rescue. I am significant because of the scars and the etchings on His palms.

I am significant in love. And I grant significance to others through love.

I pray tonight, in this late night post, stumbling instead of eloquent, that you will find significance in the love of the God who holds galaxies in His nail scarred hands.

This past week I needed a root canal for a tooth that has been hurting.  Fortunately it wasn't a really painful tooth ache, but around the sixth day, I decided I definitely couldn't live with a sore mouth anymore.  My dentist is terrific and he even took time to explain to me how there are three roots from the tooth and he had to go in and clean them out and close them off.  I still have to go back two more times for a permanent filling and then the crown.  It was really just a small thing, but as I recovered I got to thinking about God's work in my life over the years.

Last week Jen posted Psalm 139 which is one of my favorites.  This psalm, which speaks so beautifully of God knitting us together and knowing us intimately, ends with a prayer, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  I have found the thoughts in this prayer to be essential to my living a life that is full of joy and peace.  I have to let God look into my life and show me things that need some fixing or cleaning.  I would rather not go through this painful process, but He is a gentle "surgeon", cutting away the bad and allowing me to grow and thrive.

It would be so much easier -so it seems- to just cover up these areas and not submit to God's healing process.  Hebrews 12:11 speaks of this when it says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."  You may have heard the saying, "God loves us just the way we are, but He loves us too much to let us stay that way."  We are not alone when we say "ouch!" and wonder why God seems like He is not letting up on teaching us another lesson!  Everyone who has come to Him as Savior and Master has moments of saying, "Lord, could you give me a little break and let things be easy for awhile?!"

Even Jesus, during His time on earth, learned through his experiences.  He was the perfect Son of God, and yet Hebrews 5:8 says, "Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered."  If Jesus could learn valuable lessons during His stay on earth, how much more do I need to learn during my journey everyday?

Sometimes my painful lessons come because of my own stubbornness and sin.  Other times they come because of the sin and selfishness of others.  Most frequently they come because of living in this "crappy, broken world" (so my daughter, Christy, calls it!).   In whatever way God's careful discipline comes into my life, it works best when I relax and let Him have His way.  It's amazing how this changes my perspective and allows me to say "You know best, God.  I don't like this, but more than anything, I want You to have Your way in my life.

My tooth, and the whole side of my mouth are feeling so much better!  I will still be back in that dentist chair again next month, trying to be a good patient!  As the hygenist hands the dentist the tools to finish the dental work, I plan to do another personal inventory with God.  Am I submitting to His plan for my life and letting Him remove what He needs to so I can bear lots of good fruit and serve well where He has placed me? 

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith - which is of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 
II Peter 1:6,7

Joy