Low Fuel

The past few weeks, it seems like I am running on low grade fuel. Low, low, low. You know the cheap kind that we put in our cars? Not the 93, the 87. That’s what seems to be in me, 87. I am running, I’m getting by, but not as I would like to.

I am discouraged a little with life right now. I don’t really like being this way, let alone admit it. I have gotten behind with things and have been disappointed with others. I have been dealt cards that I have never expected to ever see in my hand.

I have dust in my house older than my youngest child. (I would rather not mention that age at this time.) In fact, I have dust in my house older than my oldest child! My laundry is piled up so high that it is probably taller than my oldest child, my youngest has proven that he can hide in it and not be seen, so it’s already conquered him!

I cannot meet the standards I have set for myself as far as my mothering, or housekeeping. Nor can I as a friend, daughter, wife, aunt or sister. Of course my own personal goals for Jen, just Jen, are far out of reach. It really feels like someone hit fast forward and I can do nothing to stop it!

At the same time, I keep fooling myself with this statement. “You are fine Jen, you can handle it all.” And my favorite, “ This too shall pass!” Funny, huh?! It seems when our lives are the craziest that is when we think we are strong enough to handle it. I know better. I know that I am NOT. I also know now (trust me it’s a fight every time I have this conversation with myself – cause I do have to have if often!) that it’s perfectly okay to admit it!

My body is weary, my mind is weary and my soul is weary. A weary mommy leads to a weary, well everybody else, within a 3 mile radius!

To fix my weary body, dusty house, and to find my child in the laundry, I swallowed my pride and asked my mother-in-law to come and help me catch up this week and to also do some fall cleaning. (My fall cleaning should really just be called cleaning but it sounds so much more normal putting “fall” in front of it!)

To fix the rest of the weariness I know exactly what I need to do. I need to seek complete rest in Him. He wants me to. He practically begs it of me.

Being overwhelmed can lead to all sorts of things that we really do not need in our lives. It can lead to fear, worry, un-rest, doubt, etc.

A friend shared this verse with yesterday, "When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. " ~Psalm 61:1

I know God has His hand in every little detail of my life. He has allowed those cards to be dealt to me. Giving Him my worries, fears, doubts, and struggles are the only way that I will be able to overcome them. To be honest at times fear is the one thing that holds me from releasing it all to Him?! Fear that I won’t have a say in the outcome.

It’s silly to ever doubt in Him. He wrote the story of my life. He knows every time I cry, I get angry, I get hurt, I feel lonely, I feel like I am not a good mom, wife or friend. He knows it all and He wants it all on His shoulders, He doesn’t want it on mine. He already took care of it all, so I just need to release it, let it go and find the Joy that only He can give.

One of my all time favorite quotes is from a book called Naked Fruit by Elisa Morgan and she says…

“Joy is confidence in God’s grace, despite circumstance—despite what happens. Joy is the ability to hold up because we know we are being held up. Joy is the conviction that God is in control of every detail of our lives even when those details appear to be out of control.”

Running on low grade fuel? Fill up with Him!

Some scripture for reflection…feel free to read before and after the verses listed to fully understand the context.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”
~ James 1:2-5

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?”
~ Matthew 6:27

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.”
~Psalm 62:1

“They fully intend to topple him from his lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Selah. Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”
~Psalm 62:4-6