I'm not good with things dueling for my attention. I think it explains why our efforts to have our children closer together were thwarted. One needy thing at a time. God knew.
I'm also a slow learner, preferring to blame something or someone else for my shortcomings. For a long time the car was torture. The ten minute drive to Target felt like a week.
I was used to getting into my car and turning on the radio and driving to my destination. Then Abigail started talking. Then she started having conversations. Then she started asking questions. And expecting answers. (How dare she, right?) The days of tuning out toddler babble were over. And I would spend the time with dueling noises--the radio and the girl.
This went on for a while, an embarrassingly long while. All I wanted was for Abigail to be quiet in the car.
Then I read a little homeschooling book about a method of educating children designed by Charlotte Mason. She observed in her original writings that when a child was thinking she was talking. There wasn't another way for a child to think. (Of course she also observed that adults can think and talk independently often talking without thinking.) It changed my perspective. Perhaps the girl should win the duel. When she wants to converse in the car, the radio is turned off. If she is making random noise, I reserve the right to turn the radio on and ask her to be quiet.
Turning the radio off in the car and in the kitchen has so relaxed me as a mother. I have allowed myself to be invited and to accept the invitation into her head and her heart. The things she thinks about are amazing, the questions she asks confounding, and the way she looks at the world intriguing.
I know some of you are like my husband and exist with background noise. My point isn't that you must mother as I do, but rather to accept that their chatter is an invitation to know them well.
Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
(While this verse appears to say that if you teach your child about God, he will never turn away. But it has more to deal with teaching your child about his unique design and the ways he can go with that. Getting to know the unique person God has entrusted to us is imperative to giving them this training.)
Ooh- I was just listening to a Focus podcast of this lady http://www.cynthiatobias.com/default.htm talking about learning styles last night! It's great that you've recognized this in her (although I know you need downtime!!) because it is learning time for her. Sometimes it's hard to catch some Sarah time, though, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to give up the things of our past when we become mothers but well worth it. I appreciate your honesty, it's nice to know other mothers struggle w/ some of the same things I do.
ReplyDeleteI often find myself saying to Allie, "Do you ever stop talking?!" Some days it feels like the only time she's not talking is when she's sleeping. Thanks for reminding me that I should be thankful for a little girl who has the ability to speak and the desire to learn.
These are great insights, Sarah! I never have the radio on and rarely watch TV and I wonder if it wasn't that all those years of listening to kids made me really appreciate when I can have quiet. Hats off to you young moms who are taking time to listen to your children and thoughtfully answer their questions. I still especially remember the "Why?" conversations and how every answer I gave just led to another, "But why, Mommy?" smile!
ReplyDeleteSarah,
ReplyDeleteGreat insight and wisdom!
I heard a teaching on that verse (C. Swindoll, I believe) that explains "the way he should go" as your child's 'bend'. Each child has their OWN 'bend'. What better way is there to know them than by listening.
Thanks for the reminder!