It seems I have reached yet another turning point in my motherhood.
My children test on a whole other level.
My youngest being 5, my oldest being 6. I definetly feel like I am in some type of in between "twilight zone." I still have my preschooler and I have my "I know!- picture eyes rolling as this phrase is said.-" first-grader.
Time is flying by.
Ironically enough this "zone" seems to be less bumpy and some how, more enjoyable. I laugh with my kids, they are funny human beings. I cry with my kids, they are senstive human beings. I am in awe of my kids, they are smart human beings. Sometimes a little too smart.
Time is flying by.
But you know what I have noticed seems to slow it down. Smiling. Yep, smiling.
When I see my children smile it's almost like I freeze. I just stand there and admire their beautiful smile. The smile full of teeth and the smile missing many. It's not only the smile that captures me but it's the pure joy that beams from their eyes when they smile. I also make a concsious effort to cherish whatever is happening at that moment that is causing such joyful eyes and unforgettables smiles.
Yesterday Ethan and I had many of those moments. We ran errands in town. Ate and played at McDonalds. Hugged and tickled. Played. Cleaned. I got a few random I love you's! It was such a good day.
It seems that we play ping pong all week. No not the game with a ball. The game with our emotions. One day is a fantastic one. He is happy, cooperative, he listens!The next he is this combative child who wants to pull out every ounce of patience I claim to possess, and only after he acheives this, he then chooses to cooperate. And no ladies, this is not because I won the battle of wills, it is because he did. Yes, there are days they win. That's how it works in this game of ping pong. Sometimes you miss the ball, sometimes you mess up. Sometimes you may the wrong move. I think that's when the ref. is called in. You have to pray for Him to get your attention. You always have His, He just doesn't always have yours. Perhaps maybe we should pray daily before the games begin, so we know that He is always there to advise us.
I have also noticed in this "twilight zone" that I am actually getting through to my children on some things. Some things are still very confusing for them to understand and very confusing for me to explain. You know like this question I got just today. Went a little something like this:
It Brenna: "Mommy why is the sky blue?!"
Me: "Well the sky is blue because it is a reflection... ummm, no wait the water is blue because it is a reflecting off of the sky.Ummmm, the sky is blue because...(I quickly take this moment to seem distracted and GOOGLE - HOLY explanation! Geez!The sky is blue beacuse of some light, molecules and gases. Yep super easy to explain!)because...the sky is blue because that is the color God chose it to be!" really does make for more enjoyable living!
Just today Brenna changed the hand towel in the bathroom because it was wet. I know that seems simple, but to me that was so responsible of her.
When she saw my smile of approval and heard my words of affirmation, she beamed right back at me. I bet time froze for her too. See it works both ways.
Time is certainly flying by.
This is a fumbled kind of post, but I hope that you all understand how much I have been genuinely enjoying the company and the challenges that being a mother brings. It is such an enormous, difficult, rewarding thing that has in some ways, become such a part of our identity that we loose sight of it all together. Why we are mothers. What are purpose is.You know, even in my loss at the EPP, I couldn't help but be amazed, almost proud of his determination. As difficult as strong willed children can be, that is part of who he is.
During that "game", time didn't stand still. It couldn't go by fast enough. However, later after we worked through what happened - we had a chat - and we were having a good day again, there were smiles and I love smiles.
"A smile is like time ticking slow"
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