A Day of Thanks

Wendy asked about a time we found out we were pregnant in this post. I commented,

I don't do pregnant well. Before Simon I had been pregnant several times and all but one ended badly. (I am looking forward to meeting them in heaven.) We were going to adopt and while there was no true guarantee that we would get the first one offered us, it felt much more secure. Then there was a test and two lines, and five more tests with two lines on each. I was thrilled and scared and angry all at once.

I was going to write more Tuesday but it would have turned into a post within a post, so I want to take time to explain now.

Yes, I was angry, more than the raging hormones of pregnancy angry, truly angry at being in this position. All the safe and secure plans I had built in my head to protect my heart were replaced with this new plan that held such uncertainty and potential for pain. I felt God me owed certainty for once in the roller-coaster that was family building for Chris and I.

I remember the Christmas night we were returning home from a family dinner, I was complaining about the foot this baby had in my kidney. I have a good husband who was, I am sure frustrated with my resentment of this life growing and changing me remind me that a healthy pregnancy was a blessing for us. I shut up right then and I wrote in my journal and I was shocked by my own words.

But I wasn't treated as my attitude demanded. I was treated with extreme grace. I was given the baby my heart longed for, the baby who belonged with us, to was created for this family at this time.

And, I am so thankful!
for so many things--

the husband who loves me when I'm angry and who speaks truth because he loves me

the pants-less boy who wanders through our house creating chaos

the intense little girl who insists on school every day

the dog who is always happy to see me

the cat who is loved by the girl (please pray the boy isn't allergic to it)

the house that is a home

the memories of times redeemed by His great love

Jen posted earlier this week about running low. About His offering of grace and peace in our struggles. Simon, and Abigail for that matter, are living moving examples of the grace poured out over the life of a sometimes angry, often ungrateful life.

How grateful I am that He loved me first and that even when I am looking at a gift as a burden He loves me through it. Oh, that little boy walking around the house experimenting with our collective patience is such a picture of His love!

What this week has stopped you in your tracks with gratitude?